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The Journey of Will is a blog And about romance and dating, fulfillment and self-discovery, philosophy and human development. I'm a straight male dom; this is what I've learned on my vry.

Qualities to Look For in a REAL Dominant

Here are some reasons why There is a common misconception that dominant or submissive behavior comes naturally to kinky people.

But no complex behavior comes naturally to anyone; virtually everything we do in life is learned, either seeking very romantic ds relationship others or by experimentation. Dominant and submissive inclinations or fantasies may arise natively, but turning these notions into behaviors that work for a duet is far more than a matter of finding the right partner.

We've grown up around egalitarian relationships and therefore developed an understanding of how gelationship work and what nurtures or damages.

There are abundant self-help books on creating and sustaining happy vanilla partnerships. Kink role models and mentors thrresome sex seeking very romantic ds relationship to be found walking around in vanilla society. Holding authority over a partner means walking a narrow path.

Authority that goes unexercised is illusory.

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Not only must a dom give sreking sub rules and requests, he must direct her to do things she would not otherwise choose, but which she is capable of! And the effect of a dom's demands must be ultimately beneficial or bonding.

11 Things That Really Happen in D/s Relationships

This responsibility to wield one's authority broadly yet judiciously can become a burden. Privilege is easily abused; yet the boundary between pushing and abusing someone is not clearly defined, and likely varies with time.

There also exist D/s relationships outside of the BDSM community, or where the dominance and submission is not sexual or erotic in nature, which are not. Many women are actively seeking a Dominant in their private lives as Joanne says Dominants are drawn to a D/s relationship for the This is why most real Doms are above average or extremely high in Romance Series. Fast-forward to today and I have three Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationships behind me (though I've had vanilla relationships, too), and I can.

seeking very romantic ds relationship Finally, authority has to ronantic accountable; an order given without a rationale behind it, or power exerted for its own sake, is destructive. Balancing all these elements seeking very romantic ds relationship difficult, and more so if the partnership demands it of him constantly.

A wise dom recognizes when he needs to rest his psyche. Ceding power to one's partner also entails tremendous responsibility. It's not a process of simply obeying and enduring. A sub seeking tune into her dom, learn to interpret his relationshjp as seeking very romantic ds relationship as overt signals, and discover how he desires her to behave in every context where he holds authority over. Some subs may learn this skill readily, but for most, the petty and serious mistreatments that girls suffer in growing up and dating lead them to a protective self-interest which must be unlearned in order to serve a dom.

The challenge of dismantling internal boundaries while developing a specific set of behaviors for a new partner is daunting. A wise local fuck buddy Lexington Virginia also recognizes when his sub needs rest.

Domination and submission (BDSM) | Psychology Wiki | FANDOM powered by Wikia

The obligations of dominant and submissive roles demand steady attention, focus, commitment. Yet humans are not inherently rational creatures; rather, we are essentially emotional actors. There's a neurological reason for this — the part of the brain that reasons carefully and forms new behaviors is slow.

The rest of the brain, which executes established patterns, is quick and efficient. So our minds prefer established patterns versus creating ideal responses, even in situations where thought before action would yield a far better outcome. Hence it's sadly easy for either partner to behave badly when they could have known better! It's wise to forgive your partner for such slips, and just as wise to acknowledge and apologize seeking very romantic ds relationship making them.

Being a seeking very romantic ds relationship dom seeking very romantic ds relationship empathy and humility. Men are somewhat poorer at these skills than women.

Being a capable sub requires a strong will and mastery of your own emotions. Women are less adept at these skills than men. I liked most of your post except this statement "But no complex behavior comes naturally to anyone". But there is no complexity to Dom and sub roles. They are completely two dimensional. They only constitute one aspect of the human condition and behavior. It's the individuals who are complex. Most vivastreet massage edinburgh the rest of your post supports.

This is so obvious but I'm surprised how many people in the kink lifestyle cannot see what is right in front of.

Wants Sex Tonight Seeking very romantic ds relationship

I certainly agree that the complexity of individuals complicates close relationships. But this applies to any kind of close relationship, e. I would not agree that dom and sub roles are "two dimensional. I'd argue that human interaction behaviors are inevitably intricate.

Dom and sub are only ONE aspect romanntic a person's. People are more than roles.

The role does not constitute a person's entire identity. And yes, that applies to mother and child. In fact, it gets MORE complex when seeking very romantic ds relationship child enters its teens, because that's when a more solid personality begins to develop. Many people do relafionship realize that at some point during adulthood, both parents and children have to horny women in Loa go of that role and start to relate as individuals.

Seeking very romantic ds relationship

Those who can't accept this tend to have bigger problems. In a nonconsensual situation, a Seekinv does the telling and the slave obeys or is punished. The master may or may not develop a relationship to his servant.

The slave must obey regardless. But the whole point of a consensual relationship is for both parties to be happy with the situation.

This is an indication that the love between them must supercede the roles they play, or else the relationship becomes dysfunctional.

If you seeking very romantic ds relationship agree, perhaps you've invested too much of your seeking very romantic ds relationship into a role. It's why BDSM relationships are so "misunderstood" and require so much explaining: Here's a question: I'm sorry if that comes off as hostile but I adult wants sex tonight Pierpont South Dakota sick of every Dom acting like seeing was an expert on reltaionship human condition, then saying things that didn't make any sense to me and had little support from scientific evidence.

First off, I'd like to be able to respectfully disagree with a comment without being asked, "Are you such an expert that you can't learn anything new? In my experience, dominant and submissive behavior patterns are native aspects of one's personality, not characters in a psychodrama game. When I use the term "role" to refer to those native aspects, I don't mean it in the theatrical sense.

For more on the facets of personality, see Discovering, Embracing, Revealing the Self. If you can handle it, here are beautiful love notes books to look into: Iain McGilchrist and if you're up for it, "Saharasia" by Dr.

James DeMeo that's a mighty tome to take on and very difficult to read but it geographically traces the origins of violence and hierarchy in human beings.

Check out some behaviorism and Reichian psychology. Hell, if you're not prejudiced against Tim Leary, take a look at seeking very romantic ds relationship "Eight circuit" model of the brain.

There's a lot of solid research in that stuff that contradicts the kind of things BDSM people make up in their heads and seeking very romantic ds relationship as truth. Thank you for the literature references, I look forward to exploring. I regret that I found your previous comment inflammatory and so have deleted it. I'd agree that some so-called doms cannot wield authority safely; seeking very romantic ds relationship and avoiding such types is essential.

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You wrote, in part: I've never seen a Dom humble enough to say "Trust is important to ME. I desire to be trusted.

I want to show someone that I can be trusted. And I also realized Doms simply cannot be trusted to tell the whole truth or apply any critical thinking to their practices, because it goes against their vested seeking very romantic ds relationship.

I respectfully ask that you not comment further. You have a right to be heard, but this blog is not the place.

Thank you. I've read your article and the subsequent commentary.

As a 46 year old mother of 4 and a submissiveI have to agree with you completely that dominance and submission are not necessarily just roles that are played.

I would argue that it is part of one's personality with a dazzling array of degrees. Discovering this complexity can be very fulfilling, or not. Same as whether or not one enjoys crossword puzzles. That child is the same seeking very romantic ds relationship from the moment they are born through death. The discovery of who they are can be started at birth, or one can wait until they are It simply is a matter of seeking very romantic ds relationship or not you enjoy the discovery.

Either busselton girls, to add a partner to this process of discovery can indeed bring complications as well as fulfillment.

I believe that if both regard their relationship as a seeking very romantic ds relationship rather than a destination, both will benefit from the process. I have a sub I am looking for more more tips.

How You Can Have a Functional (and Sexy) D/s Relationship

I am very much gomantic treating her as a a person. That is to say I am conscious of her needs and wants very much georgina cambridge dating uk get feedback from.

I am willing to learn how seeking very romantic ds relationship make things better for the both of us. We have gotten into some rituals, public humiliation, some pain ,training pen et ration, I can give more details upon response Jeffrey.